Heads, Jokes, Car Chases, What More Could Ya Want?
by Searching4sanity
Summary: Normal murder. Normal team. Normal head in the fridge. Girl who thinks G and Sam are human butchers, interested yet? Rated T, Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS LA. If Shane Brennan sees this, he can use this as an episode, but I so have to be on the set.


" I thought Hetty made you get rid of that thing?" Sam asked as Eric zipped past the bull pen on his segway. He paused, as G and Kenzi looked up from "paperwork". Kenzi was doodling and G was staring blankly at the page in front of him, thinking about if he had enough time in one night to take apart his microwave oven and put it back in the same night. Possibly. If he didn't give himself radioactive poisoning first. He looked up, waiting in anticipation for Eric's reply.

" What Hetty doesn't know, won't hurt her." the tech man replied easily,

" Except Hetty knows everything." G argued. Sam nodded and Kenzi stopped doodling long enough to shoot Eric a pointed look.

" While your statement is very nearly true, Mr. Callen I am unaware of a few things in life." Hetty appeared behind Eric who nearly jumped out of his skin as she spoke. Sam muffled a snicker and Kenzi went back to her "paperwork", G looked at Hetty for an explanation.

" An example?" he asked politely.

" I know you could very easily take apart and put your microwave back together in one night. I do not know though if you would be able to put it back together properly and not get radioactive poisoning though, that would depend on your mechanics skills and your microwave. Since I know both, I would go with no Mr. Callen you would not." she replied with dignity. G seriously considered the possibility that Hetty could read minds right then. Suddenly, Nell appeared at the balcony and whistled, then turned and walked away.

" She's taking over. Be careful Eric." Kensi half joking, half not, getting up, happy to be away from the worst part of her job, paper. Sam rolled his eyes, and G just got up, still pondering the possibility of Hetty being a psychic of some sort.

" This is Marine Konner Lerx. Lives in LA, parents died when he was nineteen, he joined the marines soon after." Nell announced, indicating the photo on the big screen of a man with flaming, bristled hair and a proud face. Eric rushed in, grabbed his panel thing and began rapidly clicking buttons, there was a pause while he stood there scanning the screen. Hetty waited about three seconds before speaking.

" And? Did he appear on Broadway and you think that Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna need to be educated on musicals? Because I whole heartedly agree with you, if that's the case." she asked, G and Sam glared at Nell at the same moment, daring her to 'educate' them. She opened her mouth to reply, then seemed stuck between loyalty to Hetty and not getting pummeled by two federal agents.

" Uhhh..." was all she could say, she glanced nervously at Eric, who was frantically trying to find out all he could before his assistant replied with something stupid. Finally he pushed one last button and a voice appeared over the speakers haunting their ears.

" NCIS, by the time you get this, I'll be dead. There are men who are dealing on Marine bases. No one bothered to look to deeply into it though, except me. They're dangerous and need to be stopped. Now. Please tell my family sorry. Oh and pr-" suddenly there were loud voices drowning out the marine's last words and huge clashing gun shots screamed in the dark room. There was silence. Everyone stared at the photo of the dead man in front of them.

" Where was this called in from Eric?" G finally asked, more to break the silence than anything else.

" Nowhere." Everyone switched gazing at the photo to their tech.

" Huh?" Sam demanded.

" He bounced the signal off at least twenty cell towers, it's impossible to trace."

" When?" Sam compromised

" Uhhh... this was called in at around nine thirty this morning. It only just passed through security and was emailed to us twenty minutes ago." Eric reeled.

" Any sign of the marine this morning?" Kenzi asked. Eric checked something then shook his shaggy hair.

" Nope, he just got back from an eight month tour in Afghanistan six weeks ago. He was on leave."

" Alright, Eric check all street cameras for any images of the marine. Kenzi see if he had any major enemies, maybe some one threatened him. Sam and I'll go check out his house." G ordered.

They pulled up in front of a nice looking apartment building twenty minutes later. Sam got off the phone with Kenzi.

" Kenzi says he didn't have any big enemies. She's checking into any drug problems around here right now." he reported. G nodded and got out of the car.

" Think he really was killed?" he asked, Sam shrugged.

" Hope not."

" Did your tenant have any issues, loud noises? Late on rent, anything?" G asked the weedy looking manager with slicked back hair and a pointy nose who led them up to the third floor where the marine lived.

" We've had our differences, but nothing big." he said in a nasal voice, Sam and G exchanged looks.

" Like?" Sam prompted.

" Like I said nothing big, mostly about this girl who kept hanging around. She was trouble, you can just tell, ya know? Like you get a gut feeling." he shrugged. G texted Eric to look for a girlfriend immediately. " But I don't think she was much more than a junkie." he added.

" Sometimes that's all it takes." Sam sighed, the manager looked at them funny, like he was really seeing them for the first time, and shut up.

" Thanks. Bye." G said as they stepped inside the apartment, and shut the door.

" Think the girlfriend did it?" Sam asked, poking through the mail that lay on the kitchen counter. It was medium sized, with one tiny bedroom, and stairs that looked like they led up to a loft. There was a family room, squished next to small kitchen with a breakfast bar. It was simple, but nice.

" We don't even know if he's dead." he reminded his partner, while sifting though a pile of magazines. Stuck between the pages of one was an old photograph. It was worn and crinkled, but he could still discern the tiny faces. Four people and a dog on a beach. A teenager that looked around eighteen, a women and man who held hands, along with a tiny little girl who was playing happily in the sand at their feet, currently burying the boy's flip flop. It looked peaceful, happy. G figured this was his family before his parents died. But then, who was the girl?

" Look at this." Sam called, pointing at the fridge. G stood up and walked over, expecting Sam to have found five day old pasta. Instead he found something much more grotesque.

On a plate, like a freshly prepared sandwich, was a head. Frozen blood pooled on the platter, the eyes still wide open and glowing with pain. She looked beautiful, with soft blond hair, brown eyes and a kind face. She was around twenty six, her hair should've fallen around her shoulders, but they were gone.

Suddenly the door slammed behind them, and a voice called excitedly from the short hallway that led into the living space,

" Dude! Dude! Dude! Guess what? Guess what?" A girl came flying in from the hallway, carrying a thick, huge backpack and looking like all her dreams were going to come true when in reality, it was her nightmares coming to life. She stopped, staring in stunned silence at the two men in front of her. G stared back, unsure of what to do. She had long red hair and stunning blue eyes, she looked around twelve years old, maybe thirteen.

" Who the hell are you?" she demanded bluntly, before either Sam or G could speak, her face went pale, then green. Her backpack slumped off her shoulder as she backed up, her eyes trained on them. At first G couldn't understand what she was so scared of until he looked behind them and saw the head. Crap. He tried shoving the door close but Sam was in the way, and he couldn't close it fast enough before she turned and ran. He looked at Sam, scowling.

" Great. Now Hetty's a psychic and we're human butchers." he sighed, this was gonna take a lot of explaining.

" Sometimes G, you say the randomest things." Callen stifled the need to Gibbs slap his partner before chasing the girl, Sam looking confused behind him.

" What?" he demanded.


End file.
